A Place For You

For the most part in life I want to be loving, caring, protective, giving, inclusive, welcoming, and generous. Sometimes I can’t be. Sometimes I have to be fierce and decisive, like we all do. Sometimes I need to be cruel, to be kind, or just to survive. But I think that sometimes when you’ve made your efforts to extricate yourself from people, from memories, from ideas but they just keep holding on and effecting you in profound ways, maybe because something inside you still needs them, then it is just plain cruel to keep showing them the boot, within your mind. In these instances, I think the best thing to do is not to continue to purge, but to welcome them back in. To make them comfortable. Give them a home, a place to be inside. And let them know they are welcome. I keep imagining a lover that I can’t have and sometimes it hits out of nowhere and distracts me the whole day. It seems like it would be healthier overall if I could just purge her and move on, but I have been unsuccessful at doing that. So I’m done being a dick to her and have made a proper place for her inside me. I don’t expect her to “behave,” to be chaste and quiet and non-disruptive. I do hope though, that thoughts of her will now come as sweet, sweet sensuality and not this overwhelming sense of clawing lust.

Shit.
There it is.
I’m wet.
I gotta get back to cool.
I wanked it to titty tumblr
Wrote every damn thought
I could think that carries the
Scent of you, until I was sick
Of searching for you in my thoughts
Just to route you out, turn cold,
Leave you bare on the ground.
I gotta get back to cool
But this ain’t the way.

It is not in my nature to live at arm’s
Length and I’m weary with trying.

There’s whiskey waiting
Beside the big soft chair
And a quilt to cover you.

You are welcome here.
You are wanted here.
You are safe here.
You are loved here.

I will feed you when you are hungry.
I will clothe you when you are cold.
And when you need my touch,
You’ll have that too,
For as long as you need.

This is your place.
I am so happy you are here.

6 thoughts on “A Place For You

        1. The details about my marriage are all true. The details of my imaginary lover are a bit inflated, because I can’t remember everything I imagined, but the whole post was written to read more like fiction rather than memoir. Thank you for the hugs. I love that. 🙂

          1. Well then, it was well,written because it left me in two minds as to whether it was real or not. I empathise with you and wish you all the happiness in the future, however it comes.

          2. Thanks. I wanted it to be more than a sad sack post. I wanted it to be a crushing heartbreak that flows into a joyous erotic revelation that eventually resolves but leaves the protagonist in a better place. Thank you. I try to find happiness every day but yes, I hope for a resolution to some of my frustrations. Thank you again. I appreciate your thoughts, really, really. 🙂

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