The Weight Of Perception

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The Grumpy Gardener

I bought a bathroom scale from a thrift store last Saturday and made the mistake of reading the reviews online. It’s a Weight Watchers branded scale but the Weight Watchers community hates it. They hate it because it remembers what you weigh from the first weigh in and shows you that same weight until you gain or lose more than two pounds. I understand wanting a scale that works every time with precision but I don’t understand getting pissed off at a scale that has a margin of error that is less than two pounds. Two pounds is nothing. I am technically 76 pounds overweight so two pounds either way won’t make or break me. I have never cared about the number on the scale, only whether the efforts I am making show improvement. I care if the composition of my body prevents me from doing what I want and seriously effects my health.

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Hey Girl. You like denim?

In the same way, I know that my portrait is not a definitive document of my true self. It is a snap-shot, a temporary reading, a momentary perception. Understanding that photography is perception and not fact can help a lot in improving your view of yourself.  Take the following series of photos. I didn’t like how I was shown in the first photo so I changed attire and location. Those two changes instantly made for more confident images. You will notice that as I continue to make portraits, I am more and more happy with the result and consequently making better images. By the time I get to the smolder, I am fully owning my sexiness and it shows in my face. I am still the same person and the equipment is the same but how I feel about myself and how I present myself, has changed.

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I’m most self-conscious about my giant areolas. Here they are in all their pink splendor!
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This is my sexy face. If I flash this face your way, you are in for a good time.



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This is what I look like after sex. Yes, the cap is necessary.








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The Smolder. Need I say more?
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Gratuitous blue eyes. Hey there!
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Here we find my new author photo. I am vintage as fuck.
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Subtle Cock – The Art Of The Cock: Week 28


My master bathroom has this, let’s go with tacky, dusky rose linoleum flooring. It’s too new to replace but too ugly to live with but I’m too cheap to replace it so here it is. On this particular day I decided that the light was perfect for nudes and the flooring is so reflective so I set up my camera and did some crotch shots. The cool floor felt so good on my hot balls and it was delightful to feel my cock sliding onto the cool floor as it grew.

IMG_9061-4-3-3-3This shot appeals to my sense of design. It is asymmetrical and heavily weighted toward the top. It is framed so that the eye is led into the photo from the bottom, at a diagonal. I like to bisect my images at a diagonal. It just feels right. The room was so full of light and I wanted to present the image that way so it is slightly over exposed but grainy with a blue hue. I also didn’t want to lose all dynamics, so I deepened the shadows of the groin and and lightened the foreground.

Knowing how you see and recognizing how you design the frame is key in consistently making photographs that appeal to you. I once made a photo of a cat walking off frame in the snow but you could see the little prints in the snow all the way across the top of the photo. It really tickled me to see that.


Penis Popout – The Art Of The Cock: Week 27

The boxer’s day has come and gone and now we are left with this lingering notion that sex appeal can be found in a blousy pair of cotton drawers. Boxers evoke images of your Dad or Grandpa walking around the house in the morning in boxers and long black socks. His hairy belly hanging out of his undershirt. Treated as male lingerie though, boxers can be dead sexy.


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Boxers provide the loose but not too loose mysterious quality a baby doll cami, a shorty robe, a pair of silky pajama pants provide. The only acceptable colors though are black and white and you can not go cheap, buying the classic pucker pleated boxers you get in a 6 pack. The waistband should be the same branded waistband that boxer briefs carry and the weight of the fabric should feel ever so slightly lux. In addition to the slight sense of mystery a boxer provides, it also feels classy as shit for your partner to have to pop a button to get to your cock. Next to wearing a penis tuxedo, it’s about as dressed up as your cock gets.

Then there is the popout! Neither the horizontal nor the vertical fly allows for the drama and anticipatory pleasure of the button fly popout. Just like big breasts stretch the chest buttons of a shirt, causing gaps, your swelling cock is going to make gaps, AKA peepholes, so your lover is already getting glimpses of the goods. Then when you are ready to unleash the beast, with a quick push of the button, a shift in the shorts, your penis goes POP! And your bedroom just gets a whole lot hotter.

PHOTOGRAPHER’S NOTE: You may wonder why I always push my photos to contrasty and dark places when I could easily make them bright and easily readable. I do this both because I think it looks cool and because I’m selling sex here and if I’m going to show you 52 pics of the same dick, I had better be a little mysterious. I need you to want to see more. I need you hungry.

Cum Sucking Triptych




The sight of cum
Happily covering
A woman’s tongue,
Warm and white,
Makes me weak,
Makes me ache.

That little poem illustrates what’s been going on inside my head the last two days. It started with one image on twitter of a cum covered tongue and now I can’t stop thinking about blowjobs. Not that I ever stop thinking about blowjobs but I usually focus on the physical pleasure and not the intense erotic aesthetic of fresh cum covering a tongue. It’s not all over her face, dripping down her chin. It’s carefully compartmentalized atop her tongue and behind her lips. How it got there is erotic enough but the thought that a woman would enjoy the taste, the experience of having and holding cum on her tongue melts me. It’s so fucking hot. A woman wanting and enjoying (my god, craving!) the taste of cum is hotter to me than a woman actually performing fellatio upon me. I mean that literally.

I started tasting my own cum in college. It was curiosity at first and I only sampled a lick from time to time but then I thought, “If I expect a woman to swallow my cum, I should too.” I don’t swallow my load every time I masturbate. It’s actually pretty rare but I like it. It’s heavy on my tongue. It coats and lingers with a stinging alkaline feeling that I really like. The aroma of it falls somewhere between bleached linens and fresh seafood. It’s got a strong briny back that tickles in my throat. It’s not at all unpleasant and I look forward to those moments when I can lick it off of and out of a woman.

There is nothing sexier than kissing a woman who has just sucked my cock. Nothing. I am almost immediately compelled to take her slightly moist face in my hands and suck her tongue so hard. Then to lick and suck the salt and sweat and semen from her soft wet lips. It is the greatest pleasure I am afforded in life.

One of my favorite things to do during lively lovemaking is to slip down between her legs before she has recovered from our fucking and lick the dripping cum from her pussy. It’s such a fucking treat to taste me on her all mixed together and scrumptious. Mm! Once she cums again I let her suck my tongue and lips like I do her and together we lay with our faces close together breathing in the scent of us that lingers in my beard.

Sticky Pages – The Art Of The Cock: Week 18

“Sometimes a book is so hot, the writing so incendiary, you just have to fuck it.” – Eugene Noale

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The book being fucked is “Morning, Noon, And Night: Erotica For Couples,” edited by Alison Tyler and published by Cleis Press. It was purchased at City Lights Books in San Francisco. That makes it extra sexy.

Cock Art: WK 16 – Our Bodies Burn w/ Audio

IMG_7170The Art Of The Cock: Week 16 – Our Bodies Burn

I decided to dedicate this week’s dick pic and accompanying poem to the idea that when two lovers are intensely hot for each other that the heat they generate when they come together is enough to physically burn them, much the way that a phoenix burns but is then resurrected from the ashes.

The featured dick pic is pretty basic, technically speaking. It was shot with my iphone from the right side, as usual, in natural light and only a little contrast was added in editing. I believe it is quite beautiful though. If you were going to place it in the narrative of the lovers I would say it would fall first thing the next morning when they have been resurrected but they still carry the soot left from the burning of their bodies. I’ve included snapshots from the creative process showing where my mind started and how it got to the final image.


This is where the thought started. I wanted to show a cock that appeared visibly charred but still maintained the shape of cock. I wanted the “skin” to be almost unreadable and dark with black shiny charcoal flecks.

Then I started to lose my erection. In stroking to get it back I decided to take a shot with a welding glove on to suggest that even though it was charcoal, it was too hot to hold with my bare hand but that was far too gimmicky.


Further stroking revealed more flesh and these delightful patterns of wrinkles but at this point it felt incomplete, neither charred nor clean. I decided to remove more soot to see where it would take me. I swept my thumb from the tip of my glans back, revealing a trail of pink. This is what happens in black & white. It looks like petrified wood doesn’t it?


I was preparing (read masturbating) to start again with the full charcoal coverage when I looked down and noticed how nice my hand looked around my cock. I took a few snaps and there you go, we have the featured dick pic.

Now, for part two of this post, please enjoy the following erotic poem along with the accompanying reading of the poem.



Our Bodies Burn

Are you really ready for that moment
When my fingertips meet your skin?
Spirit and soul aside, are you ready
For the warmth of my palm sliding
Around your curve and lifting slightly
To fill my hand with your breast?
Are you ready for the shiver when you
Feel my warm breath on your neck as
My lips brush softly up to suck your lobe?
Are you ready for the feel of my strong
Hand stroking your spine, pulling you
Closer and closer until the hair of my
Chest tickles your nipples and makes
Them ache for want of my lips?
Are you ready for the heat of my mouth
So close to your own it makes you weak?

Be sure you are ready because
The moment our lips touch
The moment I taste your tongue
There is no recourse, no salvation.
You are mine and I am yours
And the passion with which we will
Consume each other will certainly
Set fire to whatever is near.
Oh, we will meld souls, certainly
And feel the divine within us reenacting
The rituals of marriage* and renewal
But while all that is godly and etherial
Within plays on, our bodies will burn.

Look into my eyes.
Give me your mouth.
I am ready for the flames.

Our Bodies Burn – Read By Eugene Noale

*In this instance marriage is to be taken to mean the joining of two things rather than the legal marriage of two people.

The Art Of The Cock: Week 15 – Bleach Bypass

Cock, Penis, Bleach Bypass, dick pic

Cock, Penis, Bleach Bypass, dick pic“The top of my cock was ashy, where vigorous rubbing had revealed the failings of moisturizing soap in our drafty old house. The sun had set, leaving only the blue luminescence of evening snow to cast light on my penis. You smiled sweetly and opened your jeans. Then sliding your fingers between your legs you drew your moisture out. Generously you rubbed your wet into my parched skin until it shone like a rosy beacon, rigid in the fast fading light.”
I didn’t know what to write about this week as it has only been a few days since my last dick pic post. I didn’t have a good idea for a photograph. As I finished my work day at home I saw that cerulean glow outside my office window. Suddenly I knew I wanted a closeup with the soft brown corduroy as a backdrop and I knew I wanted a little drama in the image even though there was enough light for an even exposure. I stood close to the wall and let only the strongest light illuminate me at an angle to get good fall-off. I loved the test shots with just a nubbin so I rubbed myself to half-staff. The rubbing made it dry. Normally I would moisturize but suddenly this scene, this soft loving winter scene played out in my mind and I decided that dry skin could be made sensual. It certainly gives it a vulnerable look, that would have been lost with a deep rich pink cock.
In post production I was playing in Lightroom. It felt like a black & white photo but like I said, I wanted drama and I wanted some color. I stumbled upon the Bleach Bypass filter and fell in love. I’d seen this technique used before but never knew what it was called or how to achieve it. Think of the look of Saving Private Ryan. It feels like a black and white film but it is in color. It’s has low saturation color but it’s there.
Bleach Bypass came about because someone skipped or shortened the bleach step when processing color film. In another post I talked about how color film works but as a refresher I will say that color film, like black and white film, uses light sensitive silver to create the image. In color film though, once it is processed, the silver is washed away and only the color dyes remain. In black and white film the image is formed by the silver but it remains on the emulsion. So, Bleach Bypass leaves the matrix of silver overlaid on top of the color image. In the process saturation of color is reduced and so is the exposure latitude which makes the tones less shades of gray and more hard black or white. It also increases grain and contrast. It is a really fun process/filter and I am so happy to have it in my arsenal.

The Art Of The Cock: Week 13 – Cock The Vote!

How I Made My Dickfest Entries

I am just so tickled by the success of Dickfest. I had nothing to do with it but I feel a real sense of pride. If you haven’t voted yet you absolutely should. You can vote for 9 wonderful dick pics. One dick in each category is my dick. Here they are again with my production notes.

For the most part I have stopped making dick pics on my phone and have started using my Canon point-and-shoot camera. The quality is better and it also has auto-focus and a compound lens that allows for crisp closeups. All three of these were photographed with my Canon PAS.

Hand Porn Category: Nestled Cock

EugeneNoale_NestledWarm_HandPornCategoryMy father, the logger, is also a shepherd. He gave me this ram skin fleece which he had also tanned. It was a Christmas gift the same year my parents gave me the re-release of the NES along with the powerpad and the duck hunt pistol. Little did I know when I was laying on it, bopping mushrooms with Mario’s head that one day I would make photos of my own mushroom head with it as a background.

The lighting is indirect daylight, mid-morning, filtered through thin curtains. My skin is a little dry so it looks a little pale and thin. I was messing around with the Lightroom filters and suddenly I got this look. I think the three filters that made the most effect were Yesteryear (turns it yellow), Vignette (Darkens the corners), and Punch (Makes it contrasty and saturated). I love the look but I don’t think I can replicate it even though I have a screen shot of the filters I used.

Filter Category: Ram’s Wool


This image was shot in the same conditions as Nestled. (Except this time the ram was alive! Yeehaw! (shakes head)) I wanted an image that showed a contrast between a hard cock and soft wool. I moisturized my cock for depth of tone and to add shine. The Lightroom filter is called Split Tone 3. It is warm toned black and white filter that is not quite as brown as sepia and softens a bit to increase the feeling of warmth.

Props Category: Safety First


I couldn’t decide what to do for this category. I seriously considered hotdog/sausage themed pics. But I ended up not having time to do a studio shoot that replicated the lighting of a meat case. This was shot around noon on a sunny day as the light was starting to fill the sun porch. I wanted to take the classic tool belt sex appeal but add sexual safety. The pockets of the tool belt are actually filled with multiple kinds of condoms, lube, handcuffs, a butt plug, a feather, a cock ring, a vibrator, and a blindfold. Unfortunately, this, the best shot, only shows the magnum condoms well. I added a little exposure to the final image so that the condom wouldn’t be immediately apparent. I wanted the viewer to appreciate the beauty of a cock in a condom but to be surprised by the realization.

Now, please go and COCK THE VOTE!
Click the Cock Below To Begin.


The Art Of The Cock: Week 12 – Genital Love

Ambivalence and distaste for the sensual qualities of genitalia leads to some of the sexual dysfunction prevalent in heterosexual relationships.

Until recently I thought lack of confidence, misinformation, miseducation, immaturity, conservative upbringing, religion, social pressure, and the busyness of life was preventing otherwise sexually healthy people from enjoying the sensual qualities of their partner’s genitalia. I’m sure all of those factors and more contribute to sexual dysfunction but until this month I had not considered that unless someone actually enjoys and desires the genitalia of their partner, then efforts to remove the other impediments to pleasure will be fruitless.

IMG_0015 4 copyI thought you had to want the cock or pussy(vulva) of your lover if you took pleasure from it and gave it pleasure. I was wrong. You can’t make someone like something they don’t like. There are plenty of men who would take a woman with a vagina but without a vulva and plenty of women who take a man with a good tongue but without a dick. That may sound crazy at first but think about it.

Oral sex isn’t really any more explicit than any other sexual act but it is such a divisive issue. Oral sex is an issue because it forces people who don’t really want to deal with genitalia to have it shoved, literally, into their faces. Into their mouths. I love everything about giving and receiving oral sex. The smell, the taste, the feel, the sound and sight of a wet vulva drives me wild. I seriously can’t get enough of it. I think about it all of the time, both as a separate thing and as part of pleasuring a whole person. I have to imagine though to a man who hates the very sight of a vulva, having to stick his face in that hot wet place would be uncomfortable, to say the least. The same is true of women. Pee comes out of that thing and if you suck it long enough cum comes out which is hot and thick and strong tasting and burns a bit in your throat.

Doesn’t it make sense now? They don’t want your dick pic because they don’t want your dick. Someone who claims to be attracted to you should want to see your dick, to hold your dick, to suck your dick, to have it near them, on them, and inside them as much as possible because they love your dick and they can’t get enough of it, especially because it is part of you.

This is that heavy moment where change has to occur. You can deny it, of course, but you will be back here soon. You can promise to want less, to want more, respectively, but I wager you will be back here soon as well. Please remember that it is neither of your faults. I think you both did the best you could. As heterosexuals I think we all assume we are the same and want the same because we are heterosexuals, the default (assumed) sexuality, so we didn’t have to figure out what we wanted, what we needed, who we were sexually, at the beginning. We know who we are now and what we need. I hope we can honor that. I hope we have the strength to be who we are and stop pretending to be who we are not.